The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
