So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
