Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
