At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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