just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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