i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They have beer where we have blood.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
