Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
