bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize