i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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