'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
