well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
