My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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