i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
