it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
