The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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