I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
