Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
