How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
