I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
