He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
