Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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