I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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