Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
