dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
