margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
