i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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