I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
