If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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