The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's the barista slut.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
