we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
