and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
