We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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