I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
