no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
