I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
