I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
