hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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