wakey wakey hands off snakey
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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