I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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