Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
