Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I deserve this hangover.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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