I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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