she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
