Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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