so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
