maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
