You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
