Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
