Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
