I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
