wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
